This morning was just one of those mornings. You know what I mean; you’ve had ‘em.
If we needed to make a turn, we missed it.
If we needed to find it, we lost it.
If we needed to drink it, we spilled it.
If I even HAD a last nerve, Chris was on it.
Bad days are not bound by geography. We can have them in exotic and beautiful places as well as in the everydayness and comfort of our own living rooms.
I’ve learned to sorta let them be. I don’t ignore my emotions, but I also don’t over-identify with them. A bad morning is just that: a bad morning. We’re human. We are going to have some off days. Moods change and shift. We are not going to feel AWESOME all the time. We need to find a way to be gracious in those “we missed it” and the “I’m annoyed” moments.
For example, we missed the turn off to a hike I was very much looking forward to. I was extremely disappointed. We had to rethink our plan and decided we couldn’t backtrack to make it happen. Such a bummer. However, maturity has taught me not to beat myself up about it, or blow up at Chris about it. I can feel disappointed and that’s okay.
Chris and I are sharing every single molecule of space and time: he’s GOING to get on my nerves, and vice versa. This is not a flaw in our relationship. It’s to be expected. The maturity comes when I let the annoyance be simply “a wave to ride.” It’s not his identity nor his fault. No need for blame and rage. He can annoy me without me demonizing him as an annoying PERSON. My work is to stay in my integrity in the midst of it, meaning I am leaning into the love of God to keep me kind. And he can allow me to be annoyed without trying to remedy it for me. I am not a bad person for getting annoyed. It’s going to happen. True humility helps us give grace to others and to ourselves.
Take care of yourself when things turn grumpy. Take things slowly. You will do less damage to those you love when you give yourself permission to feel the grumps, yet stay in your integrity. Let the people in your life know you’re not feeling so chipper and be careful to not put the problem INSIDE of the person you love. (Ex: “Hey, Honey, ugghhhhh I’m feeling disappointed and annoyed, I’m going to be a bit quiet. I’m not mad at you.” versus, “Honey, you should have seen the sign. You never pay attention and you always miss the important turns. And YOU are an annoying, incessant snack monster and I can’t stand to hear you munch on one more chip!” (Well, let’s be real, maybe I have said those words a time or two. I’m a work in progress!)
Sometimes the best thing to do on one of those not-so-good-terrible-horrible-missed your hike-annoyed-with-someone-moments is to stop at a roadside coffee van and buy an overpriced cup of coffee.
It did the trick for me.
